(un)tangled thoughts

For the first time I did some sparring at Saturdays open training and I'm with Toudai Ferris on this I need someone asking me to actually do it, so thank you Sihing Shira Csillag! I had a chance to spar a couple times with Toudai Ferris, the first time we both played it very safe and slow which was nice because my vocabulary of motion while growing is rather slow yet to put to use. The second time we tried it was more intense but also more chaotic and frazzled. My final attempt was with Toudai Bauer which felt entirely comical and cartoon-like. Him relaxed, barely guarding, and slightly bored or like he could take care of another important task at the same time, while  I was trying franticly to do anything just to run out of energy. I know I shouldn't be so surprised about my sparring skills as I have been avoiding, instead of embracing it. Sparring confuses me to say the least, and when people ask if I like it, I don't even know what the honest answer is. When I feel safe ...

The 2 (few) minute approach! I chose to explore using my hair with a lot of extension as a weapon. The closest traditional Chinese weapon categories are the flexible soft weapons, examples are the dart rope, the chain whip as well as the flying claws. -powerful hidden weapons - all these types weapons have a weight(dart) attached at the end -require excellent hand-eye coordination (definitely not my strength! first thought after reading this was that this is the wrong weapon for me! and it resulted ultimately in the conclusion that I must choose this weapon for this year. -length varies, with chain whip being the shortest of these weapons -spinning, shooting, retrieval -whip, hook, and bind an opponent -slashing & piercing with dart end -deflecting blows from other weapons -all body parts are used in manipulating the rope's momentum -using angular momentum of a weight to wind around a body part  -use the unwinding/unwrapping to change direction as well as gaining new momentum

My youngest son asked me the other day what superpower I would pick if I had a choice! I said: SPEED like the Flash, that seemed like the best choice at the time. I imagined doing my kung fu with lightning speed and all the things I could achieve in only a few minutes. While we don’t get to pick them, we all have a unique combination of strengths and some we may not even realize. Todai Bauers kindness project, my Student of the Year Award, and my Psycho-Cybernetics book all inspire me to work on my confidence and I may have discovered something. Interestingly, I have never consciously decided to work on self-esteem before. I have been annoyed with my lack of, for as long as I can remember, but I have lived day in and day out, accepting it as something set in stone, that is just who I am. I feel a shifting in my attitude lately. It's kind of fuzzy yet, but the gears have started turning. I don't know if it is my age that causes these reflections or just the path I took that brou...

Disclaimer: This is about our "on farm slaughtering" experience, its not graphic at all but about my emotional baggage, please skip if the idea of slaughtering is disturbing for you! This weekend was an emotional one at our little farm. The three little pigs have moved on and the ugly truth is that all the names of places I wish them to be are only to make myself feel better. Jason did the deed and slaughtered them.  It was two long and emotional days for us, and it is not at all a routine job we do. While I am never watching or doing the actual killing, I feel the weight and sadness on those days, as well as the days leading up to and even after. I have fed these animals every day for many months. I talk to them and pet them. I laugh and worry about them, but I never name them for good reasons. It's a chore I don't have to do today, and even that is bittersweet. I miss the grunting when I come out in the morning, no greetings for me today. We decided years ago that w...

 2 min blog, interesting idea! one of my issues with blogging is the time it takes me to actually post one. first of all I'm to long-winded than I take forever correcting my spelling and rephrasing . It's pretty humbling to post something as is. Its quite a challenge but I may try a few times and see if I can force some ego out of my blogging!

It's a strange transitional time! On the one side last Wednesday I switched into restart mode and I feel extremely good and motivated about my 5 day streak of top numbers. But on the other side, I'm grieving a little bit the end of a fantastic year.  For all but one requirement I have a strong urge to get started or keep moving, but when it comes to my weapon form it's actually the opposite. I have done so many repetitions of my fan form specifically over the last two months that it feels strange this is no longer part of my daily routine. I have not started on my new weapon form yet as I have been feeling this resistance to move on. One reason is that I really like my fan, when I put it in my hand I just do things with it and it feels always good and natural. Another reason is the sudden feeling of being alone with this. The process of building a form with somebody else was so fun and rewarding. It felt exciting to come up with crazy ideas, being able to message somebody a...