(un)tangled thoughts

So I have been struggling with pivoting when not throwing a kick. There are a few techniques in our forms that require us to turn and change directions and as we land in the new direction we strike or block and need to do so effectively and with control. I struggle either with keeping my balance (control) or with the fact that the strike that follows feels powerless (effectiveness), and sometimes both. I asked several instructors for their take on how they do it, and trying these things hasn't really helped me solve the issue. But I'm starting to wonder if my issues aren't due to specific positioning or even the timing of my moves, but rather to some fundamental flaws in what I thought I understood. Centering vs contracting vs grounding?! I think I have been in complete oblivion about the difference between all these.  I mean intellectually, I can name and identify the difference, but when Sifu told me the other day that the issue is potentially that I'm "too"...

 Kao Shi classes I just thought I'd share my random thoughts and confusion right away this week before it's gone again. First of all, I enjoy these classes a lot, and I feel like I get a lot out of them every time. I felt the same when we were still the I Ho Chuan team gathering on Thursdays. I find these "meetings" exceptionally thought-provoking, reflective, and motivating. I do acknowledge, though, that this is hard to even recognize, since I tend to be a quiet observer rather than an active participant, and I understand that this is one-sided, as I take, but there isn't much I give in return. I did use the word "meeting" here because I don't think the term has negatively affected how I approach my Saturday mornings. Sifu's point, I believe, was to watch our words, as they become our thoughts. And as already mentioned, we all have slightly, and sometimes even widely, different interpretations of words. To me, calling it a meeting vs. a class m...

This last week I felt like my squeaky body was falling apart. Nothing dramatic, but it just seemed that all my limbs and some other general regions of my body were all screaming and competing for attention. I don't mean to complain, but I figured I'd dedicate this blog to all my hard-working bits and pieces. So my right hand started acting up, it's affecting my grip and my fist. It seems like the joint in my middle finger snaps and is slightly sore, so I need to be more mindful of how I roll and tighten my hand. On the left side, it's my elbow that started complaining the other day. That one made me a bit worried, as it's affecting my push-ups and I need to catch up on a lot. It's getting better again, and yesterday was a good day to get extra push-ups done because it was finally a little cooler, but I also reminded myself that if it gets worse again, I could miss days' worth of push-ups. I know, I know, there is always the option of holding planks, but I re...

Effortless effort, wu-wei (non-forcing), is achieved when "unnecessary" physical tension and mental resistance are eliminated. At last Saturday's meeting, Sifu once again mentioned that when we achieve effortless effort in our training or on our journey, we become complacent, and it is time to adjust, because the comfort of effortlessness is the enemy of mastery. This stayed with me for a while, and I had a lot of thoughts that seemed to contradict each other. Unfortunately, my schedule didn't allow me to dig into this paradox, and I'm not so sure I can pick up on my train of thought again, but I'll try. The first thing that popped into my head was how effortless it felt at the beginning of the year and several times in the first few months. Not necessarily continuous, like every day or every push-up, but in hindsight, that first period seemed effortless in comparison to now. I couldn't help but think how ironic it is that I seem to be going backward. Then...

Definition of a black belt The way I define a black belt today is very different from the idea I had most of my life. I had a conversation recently in my 1-on-1 with Sifu Brinker, and to be fair, that has definitely influenced the way I write and think about it now. In the past, I thought of two main meanings associated with a black belt: number one was that a black belt can perform impressive, fast, and powerful moves to fight off an aggressor or wow an audience. The second was that the black belt symbolizes some kind of mastery end goal. We often use that term as a synonym for someone who has become exceptionally skilled in any discipline, reinforcing the idea that a black belt marks the end of the journey rather than another beginning. Of course, I have learned over the years that the black belt is neither the end goal nor necessarily a certificate that you will do well in any fight, nor that your physical capabilities are equal to Bruce Lee's. My understanding is that I need to...

  Sometimes I'm scared of writing/saying what I think, because of how it could be received, but also because I know the way I think is fluid and could change faster than I type. But one of my ultimate principles in life is to be real.  As much as I would like to respond to the challenges that are put out by some of our dedicated team members, like Nigel's gratitude/self-reflection worksheet or the self-sabotage question from Michelle, I find myself in a situation where I'm trying to manage my requirements and priorities in a way that keeps me sane. I constantly switch between "I can do it" and "scrambling to keep up," but then I stumble and see the train of priorities, requirements, and expectations passing me by, and I beat myself up and fall apart. When I get to that point of overwhelm, I eventually try to hyper-focus on the absolute most important priority at the moment only and calm myself down by realizing the world is not going to end if some other...