(un)tangled thoughts

 Yes, I admit I complained, the first Kao Shi class somewhat scared me! and no I didn't like it, because it hurt! I'm assuming and hoping I'm not the only one since this first class experience seemed to take centre stage at today's meeting. There is a lot to think about now, and finding the balance between seeing it for what it is and not beating myself up is the current challenge. I do not beat myself up for my numbers, as I was actually surprised about how many I did when pushed to my limit. I have not done this ever before. When we were asked during warm-up to do half of what we could, I did 10 push-ups, estimating I could do about 20, and 25 sit-ups, thinking I'd manage 50 in one sitting. Later, Sifu asked us to do as many sit-ups and push-ups as we could, referring to the black belt fitness tests and pointing out that we are not done until we flop down on the floor. Or at least that's what I understood and latched on to. My goal was to max them out like nev...

I have decided to restructure my tracking goals in accordance with the self-reporting interval. Meaning I broke down the numbers required for the entire year into blocks of 6 and I will finish my first interval on April 1.  Requirements on April 1st: Push-ups/sit-ups: 6106 AOK, sparing, hand form, weapon form: 129 km: 215 I'm curious to see whether this will help me hack my motivation cycle. I know, there is no silver bullet, but I have realized that certain situations either strengthen or weaken my drive. For example, a new start and a blank slate tend to increase my ambition, while falling behind does the opposite. In the last days of the year of the snake, just before resetting my trackers for the year of the horse, I felt kind of defeated. I half-heartedly added my last few numbers but I didn't feel the urge to push to finish the year strong. Why? because it felt like it didn't really matter anymore, at least for my push-ups and sit-ups. The strides app displays everyth...

 Banquet day has come and gone. Sihing Burk asked me yesterday just before the doors opened and we welcomed all our families, guests and supporters, how I was doing. I'm assuming she asked me, knowing how much anxiety I tend to bring with me when it comes to being on stage or performing anything. As I was trying to figure out how to answer this, I noticed that I really didn't feel anything my nervous system interpreted as dangerous or negative. I felt good and joyful, taking in the camaraderie with the team and I was excited to watch the awards and promotions. I remember how teammates in the past had tried to reassure me that it would get easier but adrenaline and excitement will probably always be part of it. Well apperently they were right! I'm happy to say that the day itself is something I look forward to now, rather than stressing about it. I also enjoy myself throughout and spent little time thinking about the actual demo part and what could go wrong. Maybe it's ...

  And so it begins, again! It's not that I had given up on the year of the snake (so yay for no quitting!), but while I was doing my sit-ups and push-ups regularly again for the last few months, I haven't hit my minimum number anymore. I did about half of my push-ups and sit-ups lately. Why? Probably because it wasn't realistic anymore to reach my 50,000, so the "minimum" that was a year ago, 140 was no longer a relevant number. But as I reset all my trackers this morning on my Strides app, I looked at my achievements this past year and it's still pretty amazing. It's the first time I have something to really look at that represents my progress fairly accurately for the last 365 days. In previous years, I struggled way more with tracking as writing my reps on paper didn't really work for me. I restarted several times and missed many, many days of tracking. This year, while still not perfect and still missing some numbers, it's been a game-changer, ...

First of, my apologies for ditching everyone at the meeting and demo practice on thursday. Jason is home for a week and we decided to go on a quick winter family outing to Jasper. Its been three years since I strapped into my snowboard the last time and it very much felt for a moment like I had no idea what to do. It was so interesting how I went through all the stages of learning how to (basic) snowboard in that one day. At the end, I was very comfortable doing most of the green and blue runs at Marmot and enjoying myself. Nothing crazy but it was fun and felt good. In the eveing, I decided to look up some videos on how to snowboard better. I noticed all the pretty sore bits, my lower legs in particular and I figured learning a bit more may also help me be less hard on certain areas. I did watch a few instructions and was pumped to try out all of the suggestions and watch myself improve. The next morning, I went on the hill trying to apply it all, stay square to your board, hips and s...

I'm really feeling my nerves currently with the upcoming Chinese New Year and the start of the year of the horse. I have decided to attempt to grade this year, which is terrifying for so many reasons. Looking at the list of requirements and evaluating how I did in the year of the snake, I realize that while I'm still miles away from the numbers I need to achieve next year, I can see how I could be successful for the most part. I'm very aware of my patterns throughout the last 3 years, and I have been thinking of ways to prepare and how to keep more of the momentum. Not that I think it will be easy, but like Sifu Brinker says: its not easy but it's simple, you just have to do it.  The biggest problem I have and worry about is blogging. I'm not getting better at it. It's not even the blogging itself, or the writting I can come up with something every once in a while. The main issue is the insane time I require to write an entry, which is just not sustainable if I...