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strenght and weaknesses

Strengths and weaknesses. I have been collecting my thoughts on this topic, and interestingly, several of my strengths also ended up as weaknesses, and vice versa. But I'll start with one of the easiest strengths for me to list: creativity. I consider myself very creative, which I think is fairly evident in my life and shows in many of my activities and hobbies. While this is the first one and the easiest that comes to mind, I will say that my creativity and my confidence in it get very shaky when I am expected to produce a creative outcome under time pressure and in a publicly observed setting. To tap into my creative potential, I need time and space to think; people-watching and waiting for a result will kill it quickly. Next, I will talk about my empathy and compassion. These are among the first things that come to mind when I think about my strengths, and for a long time I considered them one of the ultimate characteristics of being a good human. I still think that's true; ...
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Exciting times and a new family member!

I've been back for over a week already, and it feels like our holidays happened months ago.  I felt refreshed and a sense of a new beginning when I stood on our porch the day after we returned. I was going to write a blog about this feeling and how I didn't even realize how much I needed a reset until I was back from our trip. But now I can barely remember the feeling anymore I just know I was standing there and enjoying the moment.  Life is sooooo busy again, and that's because we chose it. Saturday was a big day for our family, as we welcomed a new family member into our house and our lives, at least for a while. This has been a long process, and we all have been excitedly prepping and renovating for quite some time. Antonia is a German exchange student who will be staying with us for the next 3 months. We are still in the settling-in phase, and over the next two weeks we will hopefully find a bit of a new routine. In the meantime, I want to let you all know that Leon and...
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ocean rowing

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Todai Ward recently commented on one of my blogs about how the book "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" has helped her throughout her grading year. While I currently can't say this yet (granted, I haven't finished it!), it did make me think of something that has carried me, my motivation, and self-talk quite a ways this year.   Ocean rowing.    And by that I mean crossing an ocean only by rowing with your own (wo)man power. In January, I came across a video of a girl in her 20s solo crossing the Atlantic Ocean in her rowboat as part of the "World's Toughest Row" which is a race, and I started following her daily video journal. I had never heard of this before, and I can't really explain what got me so obsessed with this idea, but as I started my black belt year, I felt extremely inspired by these mostly ordinary people and their experiences.   When they cross the Atlantic Ocean from the Canary Islands to Antigua, they need to row roughly 4800...
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centering vs contracting vs grounding

So I have been struggling with pivoting when not throwing a kick. There are a few techniques in our forms that require us to turn and change directions and as we land in the new direction we strike or block and need to do so effectively and with control. I struggle either with keeping my balance (control) or with the fact that the strike that follows feels powerless (effectiveness), and sometimes both. I asked several instructors for their take on how they do it, and trying these things hasn't really helped me solve the issue. But I'm starting to wonder if my issues aren't due to specific positioning or even the timing of my moves, but rather to some fundamental flaws in what I thought I understood. Centering vs contracting vs grounding?! I think I have been in complete oblivion about the difference between all these.  I mean intellectually, I can name and identify the difference, but when Sifu told me the other day that the issue is potentially that I'm "too"...
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classes, meetings, blogs and my engagement

 Kao Shi classes I just thought I'd share my random thoughts and confusion right away this week before it's gone again. First of all, I enjoy these classes a lot, and I feel like I get a lot out of them every time. I felt the same when we were still the I Ho Chuan team gathering on Thursdays. I find these "meetings" exceptionally thought-provoking, reflective, and motivating. I do acknowledge, though, that this is hard to even recognize, since I tend to be a quiet observer rather than an active participant, and I understand that this is one-sided, as I take, but there isn't much I give in return. I did use the word "meeting" here because I don't think the term has negatively affected how I approach my Saturday mornings. Sifu's point, I believe, was to watch our words, as they become our thoughts. And as already mentioned, we all have slightly, and sometimes even widely, different interpretations of words. To me, calling it a meeting vs. a class m...
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aches and pains

This last week I felt like my squeaky body was falling apart. Nothing dramatic, but it just seemed that all my limbs and some other general regions of my body were all screaming and competing for attention. I don't mean to complain, but I figured I'd dedicate this blog to all my hard-working bits and pieces. So my right hand started acting up, it's affecting my grip and my fist. It seems like the joint in my middle finger snaps and is slightly sore, so I need to be more mindful of how I roll and tighten my hand. On the left side, it's my elbow that started complaining the other day. That one made me a bit worried, as it's affecting my push-ups and I need to catch up on a lot. It's getting better again, and yesterday was a good day to get extra push-ups done because it was finally a little cooler, but I also reminded myself that if it gets worse again, I could miss days' worth of push-ups. I know, I know, there is always the option of holding planks, but I re...
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Effortless effort - wu-wei

Effortless effort, wu-wei (non-forcing), is achieved when "unnecessary" physical tension and mental resistance are eliminated. At last Saturday's meeting, Sifu once again mentioned that when we achieve effortless effort in our training or on our journey, we become complacent, and it is time to adjust, because the comfort of effortlessness is the enemy of mastery. This stayed with me for a while, and I had a lot of thoughts that seemed to contradict each other. Unfortunately, my schedule didn't allow me to dig into this paradox, and I'm not so sure I can pick up on my train of thought again, but I'll try. The first thing that popped into my head was how effortless it felt at the beginning of the year and several times in the first few months. Not necessarily continuous, like every day or every push-up, but in hindsight, that first period seemed effortless in comparison to now. I couldn't help but think how ironic it is that I seem to be going backward. Then...
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