The good, the sad and the ugly on our little farm!

Disclaimer: This is about our "on farm slaughtering" experience, its not graphic at all but about my emotional baggage, please skip if the idea of slaughtering is disturbing for you!

This weekend was an emotional one at our little farm.
The three little pigs have moved on and the ugly truth is that all the names of places I wish them to be are only to make myself feel better. Jason did the deed and slaughtered them. 
It was two long and emotional days for us, and it is not at all a routine job we do. While I am never watching or doing the actual killing, I feel the weight and sadness on those days, as well as the days leading up to and even after. I have fed these animals every day for many months. I talk to them and pet them. I laugh and worry about them, but I never name them for good reasons. It's a chore I don't have to do today, and even that is bittersweet. I miss the grunting when I come out in the morning, no greetings for me today.
We decided years ago that we accept the responsibility of sustaining ourselves, by growing and raising a lot of our required nutrients, and in the process we have learned to acknowledge the circle of life. For us, it means everything we eat was once a life. (or at least that was true only a few years ago before food could be made in a laboratory) We believe our moral obligation is to do so by not causing unnecessary suffering and waste, leaving the smallest possible "carbon footprint", and continuing the cycle of decomposition and new life.
Our Pigs, chickens, and other livestock have I believe a good life, always free-ranging, eating like kings the groceries deemed as expired by "Safe on foods".
We choose not to transport our animals away to a slaughter facility as I could not bear the idea of the stress this would cause them, but also because it would still mean that the "truth" is out of sight out of mind. (and that is still something I may have to work on)
All these things are logical to me and I can defend our choices but they do not take away the guilt I feel on the other side.
A part of me has a tough time to reason with the feeling of betrayal, as I'm sure these animals trusted me after I reliably fed them every day. For the last few days, I couldn't even really look at them without feeling shame. And every time we have a slaughter day at our farm I wonder what our dog must think!😕🙈 I don't know, but we humans are funny creatures...

I'm not sure how this relates to my Kung Fu, but it's been my weekend and Monday mornings I write my blogs.
I'm sorry, I hope this isn't too disturbing but this is what was on my mind.

Comments

  1. Malinda FerrisFebruary 10, 2025 at 10:05 AM

    The fact that you carry this as such a huge burden just means that you don't take life for granted and that you truly appreciate the sacrifice these animals make for you. This is how you have chosen to provide for your family and you are doing it with as much kindness, empathy and respect as you possibly can, and not with your head in the sand. 💕

    ReplyDelete
  2. KhonaFebruary 10, 2025 at 10:31 AM

    I believe that is no one is born with the ability to kill without emotional distress or pain, and that we need to steel ourselves and teach our children how to cope. This in itself implies the gravity of the act. Its natures way of ensuring the act of killing remains sacred. Except that now society shields us all and allows us to eat our meat with no conscious thought or consequence. So I am glad to hear about families like yours who take the weight of it seriously and do what they can to lessen suffering for the animals. Thank you for that.

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