Banquet day

 Banquet day has come and gone.

Sihing Burk asked me yesterday just before the doors opened and we welcomed all our families, guests and supporters, how I was doing. I'm assuming she asked me, knowing how much anxiety I tend to bring with me when it comes to being on stage or performing anything. As I was trying to figure out how to answer this, I noticed that I really didn't feel anything my nervous system interpreted as dangerous or negative. I felt good and joyful, taking in the camaraderie with the team and I was excited to watch the awards and promotions. I remember how teammates in the past had tried to reassure me that it would get easier but adrenaline and excitement will probably always be part of it. Well apperently they were right! I'm happy to say that the day itself is something I look forward to now, rather than stressing about it. I also enjoy myself throughout and spent little time thinking about the actual demo part and what could go wrong. Maybe it's just because there is enough distraction to not dwell on it but really up to the moment we were lining up, and I watched my teammates performing before me, I thought maybe I'm completely over my anxiety.😂

Well that was not the case. As I got closer and closer to my turn, my hands got sweaty, and my heart was racing. But it was very short-lived and as much as I was first dreading the fact that I had very little time between both of my forms, I much appreciated it yesterday because I didn't have to go through a line-up of anxiety again.

I also read a quote recently that I decided to focus on, basically saying that if you feel nervous, and your heart starts beating really, really fast, call it your inner applause because your body is cheering you on. I loved that, it doesn't change the fact that it's happening but it helps reframe how I could think about that sensation. And even though it didn't suddenly change into something blissful, it may have helped a bit not to anticipate my nervousness before as something so dreadful. Who knows! 

The demo went relatively smooth but it certainly wasn't perfect. I had a few woopsies, but I'm still alive and after I was done with my part, I was a little surprised about it all.

On another note, I want to congratulate Sihing Bauer and Sihing Raw on their black belt promotions! It's always been very inspiring and interesting to learn about the candidates and their journeys but I noticed that this to has changed over the years. I guess with each year, I feel more and more invested in their success, simply because we spent several years training next to each other.  In fact Sihing Bauer was my first and longest classmate, starting many years ago in the morning classes. Anyway it was amazing watching you guys last night and I only have a small complaint and lack of mastery yet again on my part, it means change again. You will be missed in the level 2 class and, specifically, the opportunities to spar with/against you guys!😉






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