Tai Chi
After my first 4 weeks of tai chi, I feel like I have a little bit of a handle on it now (only regarding the sequence and following along). The first two weeks I felt very overwhelmed and out of place. For whatever reason, I thought I'd be able to come in and shadow my classmates enough to dive right into what's there to discover about energy and centering and tying it right into my Kung Fu.
That was not the case. I was somewhat shocked to realize that shadowing anybody was very difficult, and as soon as I didn't have an eye on someone doing the exact same move, I froze, not knowing what's next for any of my limbs. Retaining the sequence enough to take it home and go over it seemed impossible after the first class. I was glad there were two of us living in the same house, having started this journey now. But even with what Leon remembered, it was hard to puzzle anything together as what he retained and I brought home looked very different from each other.
Thankfully, there is a whole army of people we know and see regularly to ask and go over it again and again. And now I really like working on this short part we have learned, I enjoy focusing and feeling my weight shift, or when I reach too far, and feeling all kinds of sensations in my muscles and joints. I get a glimpse of what is there to explore.
So, the insights I gained in these first few classes are less about my movement and improving my Kung Fu yet, but more about my ego again, about how we learn, and what role language plays in that, as well as how important our community is or can be in helping us succeed.
My ego showed up when I realized this is not as easy as expected, and why would it be so hard for me to follow along and retain the sequence? We started Tai Chi a few weeks late and had to play catch-up, but even if we had been there from the beginning, I'd have struggled. I think I just haven't tried anything new in a while and kind of forgot about the truth of:
"Having to be brave enough to suck at something new!"
As for how we learn and the language used. Over the last few years, I heard it over and over again: Language can limit our thinking and our ability to discover and experiment, and I do understand why. If I don't have a word for something, does it even exist? I have learned by speaking one other language now that there are things that I want to frequently express that seemingly don't exist in the other culture, as there are simply no words for them. Yet over the years I have experienced emotions or situations that definitely exist and are so easy to explain and discuss in the other.
Learning a new form in Kung Fu is a bit easier now, after years of training, thanks to the references we can make. If I hear punch, cat stance, high rising block, front thrust kick, I know what these techniques are supposed to look like, and I can actually memorize the sequence as I have the words to do so. This is what made it different in Tai Chi. The techniques are not always relatable, although every time I hear a reference to a block or a cat stance, I feel relieved because my brain has something to latch on to, and these become the hooks for me in the sequence, the parts that I do remember, and I can start puzzling in what's missing in between. So while language at a certain point can be almost an obstacle because it keeps you thinking only within your known words, it's a great tool when starting to learn something new and you heavily rely on the input of others.
And lastly, I recognize how much easier it is for me now to learn and catch up on Tai Chi after the first "shock" in week one. I took every chance I got to go over the sequence with someone who knew it, and there is someone every time I enter the kwoon. I realize how lucky I am to have that many opportunities, as it is a lot harder for anybody else who starts Tai Chi, who doesn't know anybody, and only has one hour a week to come to the kwoon, ask questions, and go over it with someone.
I'm very much looking forward to my Tai Chi classes now, and as so often in life, wondering why it took me that long!
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