(un)tangled thoughts

Here is a quick brain dump basically to not fall off the edge this week and continue my streak of blogging. I'm feeling kind of disconnected and thrown out of my routine right now and I just lost some momentum. Jason coming home for a very short time after being gone most of this winter is probably the biggest thing but there also have been several significant birthdays to be celebrated, major snowstorms, and now spring break. This resulted in one unattended class last week as well as one completely forgotten one on one.😖  I did manage to present the beta version of my form and survived but I'm certainly not exactly happy or proud. Now this week no classes and no scheduled practices with a trainings partner and next week a brown belt test coming up.  I just feel disoriented because everything is changing the season, my daily routines, the belt level and I feel some resistance to all of it.  This just made me think of one of my favorite songs on my gardening playlist. Tim...

  I feel way less prepared this year for the presentation of our beta version but I have to remind myself that this time I tackled a very different beast. In previous years it was more obvious what my weapon was, and what it could do. This time I had a lot more doubts about my choice and I will admit I feel a little silly about this exaggerated long braid. On the other hand imagining to walk around with an elaborate hair-do and being able to let my hair down to take somebody out that may even carry any kind of weapon is a fun idea. Learning about the potential and the dynamics of a chain whip or rope dart intrigues me but I know if I had watched a demonstration before I made this choice, I would not have picked a flexible weapon. I struggle with coordination, so no way would I have decided on this. The reason I still ended up here was the idea of using something less obvious and when I thought of using my hair I didn't at all think about the association with any traditional weapons...

Oh man, I had three different topics to write about and now I feel like I have to first pick up where I left off last week. Yup, I'm still talking push-ups.  Last week I found myself questioning why I'm so comfortable doing my modified versions of my 50000s. After my very lengthy blog, and my discovery of mediocrity I decided to address the issue. I did great for a few days doing 100% of my push-ups on my feet. As I settled in, to write my new blog today, I discovered a comment from Shing Csillag, prompting me to think about the purpose of doing that many push-ups. And I do know that the answer while also building muscles is consistency. At this point, I already felt silly and somewhat misled about my conclusions a week ago for a few reasons. One was a blog from Sihing Regier in which he writes about sustainability and balanced training (to protect the body) and what part the ego may play in all of this. This hit home quickly as I didn't like how it felt after 2-3 days of d...

At our last meeting, I asked about the appropriate way to record our numbers, as I have noticed that many people are stating, that their numbers are modified. I want to make sure that what I report is accurate and doesn't give a wrong picture especially since my numbers are pretty high on my 50,000 right now. For the last few weeks, I have been thinking: Yay me! I'm doing great right now! I have been recording accurately this whole time and not only that, I have also been doing great with keeping my numbers up high to build a cushion because I know spring, summer, and fall are coming. I have been very motivated so far and didn't allow myself to take it easy because I know, as soon as I pause the momentum is broken and it will go downhill from there. Even on days that I didn't feel great, I did not make use of any of my cushion, as I still have the willpower to resist the first step of spiraling the other way.  After the meeting on Thursday and the input I got, I had a f...

  I started the year of the snake strong!  This is my third year on the team and I can say that I felt as confident and motivated the last two years before things started falling apart. Regardless of this looking like a repeating pattern, I feel more optimistic this year will be better and it's not just because I'm hoping it will be different! I have implemented strategies to address a lot of the issues I have experienced over the last couple of years. I know those are not silver bullets and I understand it still takes a lot of discipline and work and I will still struggle but I am confident I'll do a lot better. 1.I have finally found and adopted a system that works great for me to track my numbers, I use the app Stride and I am currently obsessed with watching my "50.000" numbers go up! 2.I have started to write my blogs on Mondays (no excuse) it's on my calendar and I have written a blog every Monday so far. Even though I didn't post this week on Monday...

For the first time I did some sparring at Saturdays open training and I'm with Toudai Ferris on this I need someone asking me to actually do it, so thank you Sihing Shira Csillag! I had a chance to spar a couple times with Toudai Ferris, the first time we both played it very safe and slow which was nice because my vocabulary of motion while growing is rather slow yet to put to use. The second time we tried it was more intense but also more chaotic and frazzled. My final attempt was with Toudai Bauer which felt entirely comical and cartoon-like. Him relaxed, barely guarding, and slightly bored or like he could take care of another important task at the same time, while  I was trying franticly to do anything just to run out of energy. I know I shouldn't be so surprised about my sparring skills as I have been avoiding, instead of embracing it. Sparring confuses me to say the least, and when people ask if I like it, I don't even know what the honest answer is. When I feel safe ...