strenght and weaknesses

Strengths and weaknesses.

I have been collecting my thoughts on this topic, and interestingly, several of my strengths also ended up as weaknesses, and vice versa.

But I'll start with one of the easiest strengths for me to list: creativity. I consider myself very creative, which I think is fairly evident in my life and shows in many of my activities and hobbies. While this is the first one and the easiest that comes to mind, I will say that my creativity and my confidence in it get very shaky when I am expected to produce a creative outcome under time pressure and in a publicly observed setting. To tap into my creative potential, I need time and space to think; people-watching and waiting for a result will kill it quickly.

Next, I will talk about my empathy and compassion. These are among the first things that come to mind when I think about my strengths, and for a long time I considered them one of the ultimate characteristics of being a good human. I still think that's true; however, over the last few years I've also realized that I may feel too much empathy at times, which can become a problem for my own mental health and mental hygiene. So while I still list them as strengths, I've also sorted them into my weaknesses. I recognize that the issue isn't so much the empathy itself as my responses to these emotions. But I do struggle to separate my own reality from the experience of others. Meaning I often feel discomfort and even guilt when encountering people struggling. I would like to be compassionate while not compulsively looking to find a fault in myself or feeling the need to fix or save someone else from their emotional distress.

"I am the glue" is an English term Jason introduced me to and noticed about me when we first met, and I still identify with that. I am very social and have always been that Friend who hosts, plans, and organizes gatherings and adventures for groups of people that I enjoy being with. My community and social network are very important to me, and I am often the one nurturing relationships and creating shared experiences and memories.

I believe I am very self-aware and reflective, which is generally a good thing and a strength, but just like some of my other characteristics, it can also become a weakness.

Another strength of mine is that while I do get easily carried away with strong emotions, I am generally a very positive person, seeing and appreciating a lot of little things in life and our world that make me smile almost every day. Practicing gratetude comes fairly easy to me most days.

That also feeds into another aspect I listed under strength, I like who I am and where I am. I do love my life, and I enjoy the warm, fuzzy feeling I have when considering all my blessings, and that has been true as long as I can remember.

I have a few other strengths I pride myself on, like being loyal and dependable, I'm also a good listener, and I can keep information and secrets private when appropriate. 

As for some physical abilities and strength, I am pretty flexible and "stretchy," and I am fairly strong when comparing myself to other females at my age. 

Coming to my weaknesses, I will start with the most obvious ones. I struggle a lot with confidence. Not in all areas of my life, but it certainly affects a lot of what I do or would like to do. My lack of confidence is linked to a variety of other underlying weaknesses, for example, worrying about how I am perceived and what people think of me. As well as overwhelming anxiety caused by stage fright, test anxiety, and extreme reactions to public speaking. Another issue I struggle with a lot, and it affects my confidence as well, is regulating my emotions and especially reacting appropriately in public. I often cannot control crying as an outlet, which makes me very uncomfortable, but it also puts people around me in an awkward position. 

Setting boundaries is a weakness I've identified over the last few years. As I have painfully lost a few friendships in my adult life, I had to learn that my part in these fallouts is mostly tied to a lack of boundaries I should have had in place. The romantic, peace-loving, easygoing, and naive part of me that I still like a lot often wants to forgo a lot of the restrictions and rules that come with boundaries. I had to lose people in my life to learn that boundaries are really necessary for my sanity, self-respect, and ultimately my relationships. 

Some of my weaknesses, as mentioned above, are strongly tied to my actual strength; however, it's the amount that sometimes makes it into an issue.

As my Dad always says/quotes, "The dose makes the Poison" (Paracelsus)😁

When I say I reflect or analyze myself, I can also overthink and overanalyze; the same applies to my empathy. 

Two annoying weaknesses that tend to affect my productivity are that I am generally a chaotic person and not at all, like most Germans, well organized. I also tend to procrastinate and am known for pulling all-nighters at the last minute when necessary.

Physically, I struggle with my stamina, and I generally don't like endurance workouts, especially jogging. Otherwise, I have always been very challenged with my coordination, in particular hand-eye and bilateral coordination, as well as left-right discrimination. Lastly, I have trouble keeping any rhythms, which has always been an issue for dancing and playing an instrument. 

On that note, I will also admit that I can not keep a tune or sing a song. This has been confirmed by my boys and a person turning off the microphone at a karaoke night.

I'm sure there is more, but in the interest of getting my writing requirements done, I will leave it at that.