my solo road trip across the prairies

 I did it!

I just posted some pictures of my solo adventure on my social media and now I'm trying to process my experience for my blog. One thing I notice is that it seems so deceiving to look at my story and pictures I just shared. It's not that my social media post is dishonest or meant to fool my audience, but it feels very much 2-dimensional. What is lacking are the struggles, the doubts, the stress and fear, what it's showing is a happy and confident me. 

It's honest in the sense that I am so incredibly happy I did it and didn't give up, and I was very, very close to throwing in the towel. What is not part of my Instagram story is how I struggled to get there. So here is the rather raw and true prologue to my story.

When I applied back in January to be a vendor at the Winnipeg folk festival, I knew that it was incredibly hard to get accepted. I applied together with a vendor friend that I do quite a few events with, and we had planned to do this road trip together. Unfortunately, the reality of juried events didn't care about our plans, and my friend did not get accepted. When we found out it was really kind of crushing. It wasn't the fact that one of us wasn't accepted, of course, that happens. It was that I didn't even consider ahead of time what that would mean. 

It meant that I felt like I couldn't be happy about the opportunity because I ultimately know how it feels to be rejected, no matter how much reasoning you do. I felt with my friend who in turn truely tried to be happy for me. But it wasn't just an issue of empathy. My first reaction was; "well if you cant go I won't go". 

Sitting for awhile with this statement I realized that this is not the way to run a business. And this is where the struggle began. I realized that I had been given an opportunity and not accpeting the challenge would almost certainly mean no second chances. So reluctantly and terrified of thinking of driving across the prairies alone in our well loved but not exsactly relieble delica mitsubishi I signed the contract and paid my fees.

The struggles didn't get easier, there were mechanical proplems, logistical headaches, farm and animal preperations and "child care" question marks. I didn't share on my social media how really close I was to cancel it all last minute.

But boy am I happy I didn't! It wasn't easy not before and not during my trip but I came back a bit taller because I proved to myself once again I can do things alone. And not just that when I drove out of our yard a week ago, I set out with a plan to be very intentional with my adventure and to really practice gratitude for everything along the way and my mind was blown by the beauty of this country, the colours and the wild life I came across like pelicans, bisons, bald eagles, thousands of dragonflies and a even a bear crossed the road right in fron of me. I met and chatted with so many people, that there really wasnt a chance to feel alone. I had perfect strangers insisting to help me set up my camp and booth. 

I'm so greatfull for the experience and almost wonder if the univers felt like rewarding me for not quitting, and for pulling up my socks and go into this with a mission to enjoy what ever there is to enjoy. 

There were also some real hard and unpleasant moments but the verdict still is, I'd do it again in a heart beat. I was also claiming until a week ago that I can't drive more than 3 ish hours in a day, well I' ll never be able to to make that claim again after I just drove home from Winnipeg in one day. It is incredible to see how much impact our minds have on what we can and can not do and how we experience things.