Another one on Ego!

As I was trying to think of a topic for my next blog and recalling the memorable moments that stood out from this last week, I thought of a situation that brings me right back to my ego, so here we go again.

While attending the level one classes this week, Sihing asked me to work with an orange belt on stick 1-3. After Toudai showed me his form, I was instantly flustered. I guess I assumed there would be enough obvious things I could pick out and correct, or encourage him to practice, or somehow contribute something useful to his learning. But watching him run through, I just found myself being blown away by his power and intensity, and I felt imposter syndrome and panic sneaking in. I mean, I tried to reason with myself that there is an age difference and there is a male vs female argument, but really, the roles felt far too reversed. I managed to pick out a few little details, but really, I was just grasping at straws.

After class, I was sharing my experience with Leon, and he listed a few things he pays attention to when in doubt. He mentioned stances and heels, for example, and I suddenly realized I didn't actually know whether the student I was working with had issues with his stances or had his heels down. Part of me thinks if there had been issues, I'd have noticed them, but I did not consciously pay attention to that part.

In hindsight, I wonder if my brain just snapped into panic mode, frantically trying to justify my place in this situation, and if it prevented me from watching with an eye for detail and actually helping the student.


sit-ups: 6101
push ups: 5792
km: 105
AOK: 97
Da Mu Hsing: 114
Bokken: 83
sparring: 35



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