What am I manifesting?

With a little less than 2 weeks left before the banquet, I'm devoting a lot of my time to my fan form. So far there were always specific spots needing adjustment, either because it didn't feel right or some moves I stumbled over more often than not, other times because the stage was just not big enough or I saw issues on a video I had to address. It was easier to feel accomplished in my training because even if I didn't fix the problem completely right away, slight adjustments felt good and proved progress. 

Now, I entered a strange quiet phase before the storm. I work on my form more than ever but progress is now harder to see. Over the last few days I came to accept and realize that this phase is for internal work more than the physical and I'm obviously not alone with that. My trainings partner has mentioned a few times now the switching of her mindset to just having fun and letting go which encouraged me to stop and think about how much I love this form we have created and that indeed I do have a lot of fun moving through every step. I also stumbled over a book recently called “Psycho Cybernetics” and for more than one reason or area in my life I was intrigued. Working through this book has given me a few insights into my mind, my fear, my ego, and the fact that there is a physical and mental part of me that actually have to be aligned to be successful. In short, I can practise 24/7 and nail my form a million times at home and there is muscle memory for sure but if in my mind I do not actually believe that I can do this in front of people and that I'm actually good enough," self poisening with adrenalin" and self-sabotage are very likely to interfere. I have heard of manifestation and positive thinking plenty and have definitely made attempts in the past to practice this but I have never considered that even these mental exercises can only help my goal if subconsciously my belief about my self alignes with these visualizations. Inspired by this book I have started doing mental repitions of my form but I'm doing them listening to the music and visualizing the night of the banquet on the stage with all the before and after in detail and of course, we are nailing it each time with great success. I refrain from engaging in any thoughts about what can go wrong. Not because things can't go wrong but because I have alternative moves in place now if my fan goes flying. I know that I can finish my form even if I lose my weapon because I have a plan in place and that is all I need to know to not dwell at all on any "what ifs"!