trying to be mindful...

https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1RTacYX6dG-JXAlAocnS08pbNi9Px-km-

I currently really don't know what to write, that would be meaningful to the team and myself on our journey to mastery. I feel removed, not just physically but also mentally from our kwoon and team. I know its on me to stay in touch, to read the blogs, write my own and do Kung Fu even when I don't feel like it.

BUT...

My brain is so full of a variety of emotions that I really struggle to make sense of. There is loss (I had to say good by to one of my best friends this last weekend), there is a lot of worry over the health and life expectancy of some family members and than there is the anxiety of our time running out here in Germany. In two weeks we will say our good-byes for an unknown period of time. Leaving my family behind in these scarry and heavy times knowing I'll take with me the only grand kinds and a big source of joy and distraction makes me feel extremely sad and guilty.

I know this is life and I'm grateful to be here and to have the time with each of my loved ones but I struggle with being mindful and indeed enjoy these precious moments we do have, as my mind wanders too often to these things that will be unavoidable. 

There is also the part of me that is looking forward to my Canadian life that currently feels like its written in a whole other book.
I'm looking forward to my dog and cats and chickens, and to hear the coyotes howling.
I'm looking forward to be able to come back to the kwoon, to have the guidance and energy I get from my routine, instructors and team.
I'm looking forward to my projects and purpose coming up, working in my garden, preparing for the festival season and working on my studio.
But all these things I'm looking forward to make it almost harder because again they make me feel guilty.
There is no solution here or wisdom to be shared, its just a brief description of my struggles and an attempt to keep all you in the loop. I'm still here, I'm still trying to be part of the team but yes it didn't go as I was hoping for. 
I'll be back soon and in the meantime my main focus is, to be mindful.


Pu   7220

su   7300

fan           273

hand          26

sparring     40

km.          376

AOK.       274

 

Comments

  1. KhonaApril 30, 2024 at 8:42 PM

    Poke Leon about his blogging. I know he’d feel better about getting one out there as well.

    ReplyDelete

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