My quirl form

I have recently gone through a phase of not liking my weapon form. 

I would practice my hand form in length and in detail, outside, inside and when I'm waiting for my water to boil in the kitchen. While working in the garden I started playing with my spate, inspired by the Kwando and Tiger fork, which I love to watch.  Other times I'm swinging my machete like my broad sword around working in other parts of the yard. 

Overall I have been feeling very connected, involved, motivated, and mostly on track but my weapon form did not inspire me, something just didn't click. So one night when I found myself again making up new moves and envisioning next year's weapon form and even thinking of a musical form for the next tiger challenge, I had to stop myself in my tracks and insist on leaving the shiny objects alone and instead figure out why I'm struggling with my weapon form that should get all the attention. I took it apart step by step and asked myself for every part whether I like this or not. I tried to analyze why the answer was no at certain points and I came up with a few adjustments. The first thing I decided to add was an opening and closing bow which for whatever reason made all the difference in the world. Everything about my form felt all of a sudden better or it just made it feel more legit. I made some more subtle tweaks but for the most part, I left all my technics in. I was debating if I went a little over my head with some of these twisted spinning kicks because when I started I was thinking of finding moves I wanted to practice more and that would look cool once mastered but of course, I wasn't considering that perfection is an impossible destination. So my showiest parts are also the messiest. I was encouraged to take this as a challenge and so I made up my mind, shaking legs, dizziness and frustration aside I will continue to practice these spinning kicks. And even though it hasn't drastically changed yet I feel a lot better about practicing them now because I finally at least intellectually understood part of the problem. Some of what I thought would be circular motions are indeed not circular at all and instead are trusts in two opposite directions. Having understood this makes me feel like I'm at least working on progress rather than getting frustrated that flow and balance don't line up. 

I reengaged with my quirl and I have found a new appreciation for it, in fact, I'm all excited again and I no longer find reasons to avoid it.